nut hugger
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
