I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
