So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
