Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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