Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
