he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't deserve a penis
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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