Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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