Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
