U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
