wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
