Sponge bath it is.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
