i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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