Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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