i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
