I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
