haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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