So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
