I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
