I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
