I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
