i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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