oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
