New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
