we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
