3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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