Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
