guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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