They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
