Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
