If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
