Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
