i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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