TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
