Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
