I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
