THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
