some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
