I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
