I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
