apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
