Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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