How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just invented taco cereal.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
