Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
