I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
