playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
