So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Barsexuality is the new black.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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