Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
