Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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