All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
