I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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