READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
