is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
