I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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