That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
