I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
