I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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